


i'm not free (yet)

by GoatVibesOnly



Series: Moth Rising 'verse [2]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Experimental Style, F/M, M/M, One Shot, Title from a Florence + the Machine Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25851061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoatVibesOnly/pseuds/GoatVibesOnly
Summary: "My heart is like a haunted houseThere's things in there that scratch aboutThey make their music in the nightAnd in the day they give me such a fright"History is doomed to repeat itself. (Warrior OC one shot)
Relationships: Original Character & Original Character, Original Character/Original Character
Series: Moth Rising 'verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882363
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	i'm not free (yet)

> _My heart is like a haunted house_
> 
> _There's things in there that scream and shout_
> 
> _They make their music in the night_
> 
> _Wish I could find a way to let them out, oh_
> 
> _Do you remember winding your arm around my shoulder_
> 
> _As we wandered 'round the hill?_
> 
> _Now I'm in that fog forever_
> 
> _In full collaboration with the weather 'cause_
> 
> **_I'm not free yet_ **
> 
> -Haunted House, Florence + the Machine

The stars shone down silently, casting their judgement on the cats that live below. The still air hardly moves, and even the lake is mirror-still, as if it, too, was too weighed down by the warm Green-leaf haze to move. Nearby, hidden among the pine trees, the cats of ShadowClan settled down after a long, successful night at the gathering. Green-leaf has brought abundant prey, and there hadn’t been serious fighting between the Clans for moons. Everything was perfect.

Well, not _everything_.

Barely visible in the dark, new-moon night, a cat stuck its head out of its den. It looked from side to side, making sure no other cats are watching. Once it has been satisfied that it was alone, it crept out of the den, slinking around towards the side of the camp wall. It hesitated before each step, as if afraid some cat would notice and sound an alarm. When it reached the camp wall, it prodded along the side with its paw. There, a weakness to be exploited! As it pushed forward, its paw fell through the camp wall. It wriggled through the gap, landing lightly on its paws as it forced through to the other side. Sighing with relief, it turned around and started to pad away from camp.

However, the cat didn’t notice the two eyes, one amber, and one so muddy it was almost brown, peering after as it padded away from camp. The amber-eyed cat padded after, tail twitching back and forth as he trailed his quarry. His body, though lean with the hardships that come with living in the wild, was not battle-trained and wary like the other cat, and it wasn’t long before it stopped in its tracks.

It angled its ears backwards, listening for the sounds of its stalker. “What are you doing here?”

The amber-eyed lifted his chin. His eyes sparked, not with suspicion, but with compassion. “I could ask you the same question.”

* * *

Smokeheart whirled around, his long silvery fur bushing up in fear as he faced the attacker. Except it wasn’t an attacker at all. He blinked as he came face-to-face with the friendly amber and not-so-amber eyes of ShadowClan’s medicine cat. “Ambereye?”

The golden-brown tom dipped his head. “I had sensed that something like this might happen. Not from you in particular,” he hurried to add, as the silvery tabby’s fur bristled, “But I had a feeling something would happen tonight. Call it a medicine cat’s intuition.”

Smokeheart flattened his ears as he considered the golden-brown tom opposite him. He had never been particularly close to Ambereye, not like his sister, Mothfall, whose disability meant she was with Ambereye more often than not, working through her stretches to keep her muscles limber and strong. At the thought of his sister his heart panged, and he wished, not for the first time, that she had agreed to be with him tonight.

But she hadn’t, and he was alone. Well, except for Ambereye.

He didn’t take his large yellow eyes off the other cat for a heartbeat. Ambereye had always been kind to him, yes, but he was still a part of the Clan system that Smokeheart hated with every fiber of his being.

If Ambereye noticed his fur bristling, he didn’t react. “What are you doing?” the medicine cat asked, his voice soft and even.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Smokeheart growled. “I’m running away.”

* * *

“I had feared as much,” Ambereye mewed, dipping his head respectfully. When he raised his chin again, he didn’t flinch as he met the icy green stare of the molly in front of him. Her ginger fur, unusually spiky and ruffled even for her, bristled with barely contained anger.

“I have no choice,” Wildstep spat. “Every day that I’m stuck in the confines of that camp is a day I know I’d be better off dead. This is the only way to be free.”

“Does it have to be?” asked Ambereye, mew still as even as ever. “What if I could help you?”

“Help me?” Wildstep echoed. Her fur flattened as she stared, seemingly shocked at Ambereye’s offer. “How would you help?”

“It’s because of a certain cat, isn’t it?” Ambereye pressed. “There’s somecat making you upset. I can help you, if you'd let me in.”

For a moment, the ginger molly’s eyes widened, and she looked hopeful, elated even. But the moment passed, and her green eyes hardened with resolve.

* * *

The silvery tom shook his head. “It’s not just him,” he mewed. “It’s all of Clan life. The system is so restrictive. The more I’m stuck in it, the more I feel like I’m choking. It’s so violent. You’re a healer; can’t you feel how wrong it is?”

Ambereye sat down, blinking sympathetically. “I understand,” he mewed.

Smokeheart blinked in surprise. Despite his question, he hadn’t expected the cat to agree with him. “You do?”

“I have been witness to many things throughout my lifetime.” Ambereye tapped his paws on the soft pine needles below his paws. “Some of them I daresay I'm proud of. Some of them… less so. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes myself.” He shook his head. “You’re not the first cat to question our way of life.”

* * *

“Is that supposed to help?” Wildstep snapped. “Am I supposed to feel better, knowing that I’m not the only one suffering? But I’m _still_ suffering.”

“Wildstep, please,” Ambereye pleaded. “This isn’t just about you. What about your kits? Mothkit, Fernkit, and Smokekit are barely weaned. They won’t understand why you left. All they’ll know is that they needed you, and you weren’t there for them.”

“My kits…” for the first time, Wildstep looked uncertain. She shifted her weight on her paws and stared down, refusing to meet her medicine cat’s gaze. “I love them more than life,” she whispered. “I loved them so much I thought I would die. Staying here would be a living death. But for them…”

“Would you stay? For them?” Ambereye asked quietly.

* * *

Smokeheart turned away, squeezing his large yellow eyes shut. “I can’t,” he swallowed thickly, wishing not for the first time that there was some other answer. But he’d thought about this for moons, desperate for another solution. If there was one, he couldn’t find it. “Ferntooth and Mothfall will have to fend for themselves. It’ll be hard…” he shook his head. “But they’ll have to make do. It’s safer for them if I’m not there.”

“I see,” mewed Ambereye, keeping his mew carefully even and neutral.

* * *

“I can’t risk my kits seeing how unhappy I am. That would tear me apart more than anything Ratpelt has ever done.” Wildstep glanced at Ambereye, her green eyes wide and pleading, and just like that, all of the fight drained away. She was no longer a fierce, wild warrior. She was a mother, desperate and alone, uncertain and afraid.

Ambereye stepped forward, eyes soft. His mew was soft and warm. “This must have been a hard decision.”

* * *

“The hardest I’ve ever made,” Smokeheart admitted. “But… I didn’t have to make it alone.” Smokeheart’s gaze softened as he remembered his mate, Featherflight. The tom’s pale eyes could melt Smokeheart’s heart like fire on ice. The thought of seeing him again made his paws tingle.

“It sounds like you love him very much,” Ambereye mewed.

“I do,” Smokeheart nodded. “But not as much as my sisters. I love them more than life itself. It’s okay; he knows. He understands.”

“And you’re still leaving?” Surprise tinged Ambereye’s mew.

* * *

Wildstep flicked her ear, her eyes still wide with despair. “Is that wrong of me? Am I a bad cat because I would leave the cats I love the most?”

“Of course not.” After a heartbeat’s hesitation, Ambereye stepped forward, and when Wildstep didn’t protest, he rubbed his cheek against hers, offering what little comfort he could. He wrapped his tail around her side, pulling her close. “Sometimes leaving to protect the cats we love is harder than dying for them.”

“You can say that again,” Wildstep sniffed.

Ambereye licked her ear in a comforting manner. “Do you know where you’re going?”

* * *

Smokeheart straightened at the tom’s question. “You mean you’re letting me go?”

“I clearly can’t stop you,” Ambereye mewed. Smokeheart expected him to point out that he was only a medicine cat, and Smokeheart was a trained warrior, but instead all he offered was, “You’d be miserable if you stayed.”

Smokeheart blinked. “Featherflight’s waiting for me at the WindClan border. Once I find him, we’re running past the Moonpool and to the lands beyond. We’re going to wander the lands and explore its bounty and beauty.”

“It sounds like you have a long journey ahead of you.”

* * *

“I know,” Wildstep confessed. “But I have to get as far away from Ratpelt and Clan life as possible. It’s the only way.”

Ambereye nuzzled her, and his warm breath tickled her fur. “You _will_ find a place to call home someday.”

Wildstep sniffed. “Did your medicine cat intuition tell you that?”

“Didn’t need to. I can tell because you’re stronger than you know. If you’re doing this, then it’s because it’s the right thing to do. I trust you.”

Wildstep trembled. When was the last time somecat had told her that? “Thank you,” she murmured, her meow shaky, but her heart certain.

She thought of her kits, and her heart panged against her chest again. Oh, her precious kits!

“Will you look after them?” she asked. She hated how desperate she sounded, how desperate she _felt_ , but she couldn’t help herself. “Make sure they’re safe and happy. They’re so young and innocent – they don’t know pain or suffering. I want them to stay that way. I want to know that the image I hold of them in my head, right now, will be accurate forever.”

* * *

“It won’t,” Ambereye promised. As he gazed in the tom’s warm yellow eyes, he felt a strong surge of déjà vu, and he twitched his tail almost imperceptibly. “They will continue to grow and live their lives, just like you. If I stopped Mothfall or Ferntooth from feeling pain, I would stop them from everything that brings joy to our lives. I can only offer guidance, and to help them after they make mistakes.”

“I suppose I can accept that,” Smokeheart mewed, for the first time the glimmer of amusement in his mew. “If you tried to stop them from hurting, you would have to stop me from leaving.”

Ambereye tilted his head to one side, acknowledging Smokeheart’s response. “You’re wiser than you know.”

* * *

“Thank you,” murmured Wildstep. She pressed her nose to Ambereye’s ear and pulled back, glancing behind her shoulder. The wild, open world stretched out before her, welcoming her with open paws. Once again, her paws itched, and she knew she had to move on. “I’ll never forget you,” She told Ambereye, mew soft.

“Nor I you,” Ambereye mewed, just as softly. “But you must get going. If there’s even a chance that you’re within the territories by dawn, Ratpelt will tear down the forest looking for you.”

Wildstep shuddered. “I have one more favor to ask of you,” she whispered. “Tell him that I died. Tell him that I was suffering from some post-partum sickness and I wanted to die by myself. I didn’t want to burden my Clanmates, and I didn’t want my kits to suffer at the sight of my dead body.”

“That’s a heavy burden to wish upon your family,” Ambereye mewed.

“It’s the only way to keep Ratpelt from finding me,” she insisted. “I can feel it in my bones. My mother’s intuition is a strong as your medicine cat intuition.”

After a heartbeat’s hesitation, Ambereye stepped back and dipped his head. “I won’t tell anycat anything about our conversation tonight,” he promised. “I will honor your wishes.”

Wildstep buried her face into Ambereye’s neck one last time. “Goodbye, Ambereye.” As quick as lightning, before Ambereye could respond, the ginger molly turned around and darted out of sight, quick as lightning, as if she had to outrun her doubts.

* * *

“Goodbye, Smokeheart.”

Smokeheart tried to purr, but he found himself choked with tears, he had to look away. “Thank you for everything.”

Without further fanfare, the silvery tabby tom bounded away, towards WindClan, and after that, the hills beyond. To freedom and happiness.

Though he didn’t know it, he followed in the exact same pawsteps as his mother had, moons ago, when she escaped towards WindClan and the hills beyond, to freedom and happiness.

Both then and now, Ambereye watched them go, amber and not-so-amber eyes flashing in the darkness. He waited long after they had disappeared, and then he made sure to patch up the camp wall so that no cat could tell it had been broken, and entered through the main entrance back into camp and back into his den.

Both then and now, Frogjump (although then she was still called Frogpaw) lay in her nest, still fast asleep from a tiring day taking care of her Clanmates. Ambereye pressed his nose to her ear, comforting himself with her constant, steady presence, before curling up in his nest next to her.

Both then and now, he shut his eyes, knowing he would wake at dawn to the panicked cries of cats missing their beloved Clanmate.

And far away, those missing cats traveled on, escaped from the Clans.

Free at last. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for clicking on this story. This is a more experimental piece of mine. I heard this song was instantly possessed with the ghost of Florence Welch until I wrote something, hah. It contains characters from my story Moth Rising (with some spoilers through chapter 11) but I also wrote this to work as a standalone!
> 
> I love Wildstep and Smokeheart... they're Good Lads... I wanted to explore the idea that Clan life just isn't fit for some cats, and that's fine, and even if they hurt others in the process of doing what's right for them, that doesn't necessarily make them bad cats. I hope to write more with one or both of these characters someday!
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you thought! If not, then that's fine too. thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, thanks to my friend Shay aka user FloatingVampireJesus for reading this over and offering his input!


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